The Epic Adventures of the Sannin
by HollowIchigo6
Summary: Tsunade, Jiraiya and Orochimaru can't take the stress any longer, and decide to go on a vacation in Tokyo. They run into eachother, and to survive the big city and find their way, they have to work together once again. Rated K . May contain OroTsu
1. I really need a vacation! So do I?

Snowy Sakura said that I write these three well, so I'm going to write a parody about them. Let's see what happens when the Sannin go on a vacation, while they actually can't stand each other. I wonder how that will end…

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Chapter 1

"For the last time, I'm NOT a lesbian!!"

"Then what was that naked girl doing in your bedroom!!"

"There was no naked in girl in my bedroom. And there never has been. Except for myself."

"You're naked in your own bedroom?"

"Is that odd?"

"No, it kind of gives me wrong thoughts."

"I don't touch myself, and if you even DARE to spy on me…"

"Then what?"

"You don't want to find out."

Tsunade left out a sigh.

"Let's stop this pointless arguing Jiraiya, it's giving me a headache."

"You started."

"I DIDN'T!!"

Tsunade turned around and completely out of nowhere she hit him in the face. Pretty hard. He grabbed his nose and screamed:

"You don't have to hit me!!"

"You started arguing you ass!"

Tsunade fell on the ground.

"I need a vacation."

"You're the Hokage!!"

"That doesn't matter. You need a vacation too, we're all stressed."

"You're right. But do you want to stay in the village, relaxing?"

"No, we're going to the big cities."

"Like?"

"Tokyo."

"WHY TOKYO??"

"I need to be far away from this village."

"Who are you going to put in charge?"

"I'm not sure, maybe Kakashi. Or that guy from Anbu, I don't remember his name. I'm not into Anbu very much."

"Very professional, leaving the village in the hands of a guy you don't even know."

"Oh shut up."

"So, when are you going to tell the village?"

"Today, I can't take this any longer."

"I'll come with you, how hard it is to admit, I need a vacation too. And I need to get lai…"

"JIRAIYA!"

"Okay, geez, I'm sorry."

"Come on, I'll go tell the village, you pack your stuff, I need to get out. NOW."

"I'll meet you in front of the gate. We'll go by train. Or do you want to use the bus?"

"Nah, let's take the train."

Tsunade left the room, and Jiraiya started packing his stuff.

Meanwhile, a couple of miles away…

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!"

Kabuto jumped to the floor to dodge a bowl that was thrown against the wall. A few other objects followed.

"I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!"

"Orochimaru – sama, I think you need a vacation."

"A vacation?"

"Yes, some time to relax, I mean, you're always busy."

"That's a good idea Kabuto, but, who am I going to leave in charge of the village when I'm out?"

"Maybe me, sir."

"Oh, I know, I'll ask Sasuke."

"WHY HIM??!!"

Orochimaru looked at Kabuto, who looked stressed too.

"AFTER ALL THIS WORK!! AND YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE SASUKE IN CHARGE??!! WHY!!"

"We need a doctor."

A few minutes later some doctors came running in, tied Kabuto to a log, and with the log and a screaming Kabuto they left the room.

"Call Sasuke for me."

Sasuke came in.

"What is it?"

"I want you to be in charge of the village when I'm out."

"Where are you going?"

"On a vacation, I need to get out of here as soon as possible."

"Where did you plan on going?"

"I was thinking of Tokyo, a big city, I won't meet any ninjas out there. And I can wear some other clothes than this stuff. Seriously, why the hell do I wear that purple thing around my waist anyway?"

"Don't ask me, you came up with it."

"Another sign that I definitely need a vacation. You know what, when I come back, we'll get rid of those stupid purple things. And I'll stick to the official Sound Village uniform, not that stupid thing I stole from that grass ninja 3 years ago."

"Looks like you've seen the light."

"More darkness. I'll be out of here in 30 minutes. Announce to the village that I'll be leaving, and that you're in charge. Watch out for Kabuto, he's kind of angry at the moment."

"Why?"

"You'll find out later. So, I'll go pack some stuff, and I'll go by train to Tokyo."

"For how long you'll be gone?"

"I'm not sure, maybe 2,3 weeks."

"You can leave it to me, Orochimaru – sama."

"I don't doubt that."

Sasuke nodded and left to inform the village.

"Finally, some rest, without all these ninjas wanting everything from me. One ninja wants information, the other Sasuke, the third wishes me dead, and the fourth wants my virginity."

He paused.

"Wait, girls want my virginity? Am I attractive or something? Oh, never mind."

Some snickering was heard. He turned around, and some some Sound nins.

"GET OUT OF HERE!! OR I"LL KILL YOU!!"

They started running.

"Stupid nins. Sometimes I wonder why I hired them in the first place. Well, I'll better get my bags."

Meanwhile, on the way from Konoha to the station…

"The train should be there in 20 minutes."

"How long do we have to walk?"

"Around 30 minutes."

"So we'll miss the train', Tsunade moaned.

"Yep, I guess we'll have to take the next one. It's at the station in about an hour."

"Guess we've got some time left to get something to drink, right?"

"Yeah, probably."

Jiraiya stopped.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, I just felt something. But it was nothing."

"Oh, OK, let's go."

The two walked together, towards the station.

At the station…

"Would all the passengers of the train going to Tokyo, gather at line 4, please."

"Alright Tsunade, let's go."

"I wonder if this will help."

"Ofcourse it will, let's get in the train."

But ofcourse, another old friend was in the same train, and that trip to Tokyo would cause some trouble…

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Phew, that took some time. I hope you like it, please review.


	2. But I really have to go!

"Last call for passengers traveling to Tokyo".

Orochimaru raced through the crowd while pulling a suitcase behind him, along with a backpack strapped around his shoulders. Damn Kabuto and his incorrect timetables. This was probably his revenge for being denied the permission to be in charge of the village while he was away. Luckily, he reached the train just in time. Hastily he flashed his ticket upon entrance, gave his suitcase to the conductor and went looking for a seat where he could sit alone. He wasn't looking forward to sitting with a group of strangers. The doors of the train closed and it started moving. After a few minutes of searching, he found an empty spot. He took off his backpack, opened it and pulled out a set of headphones and an iPod Touch. He was happy he had visited that small town once where they had a store specialized in electronics. Kabuto had been quite angry at him for spending about 108,000 yen on a MacBook, an iPod and a set of headphones. He cursed himself for it as well the day after, seeing as he had bought all that after a few bottles of sake. Now that he had to sit in a train for a couple of hours, he was happy he had brought all of it along. He had spend evenings downloading music illegaly, which somehow made him feel even more evil than he already was. He grinned. He would enjoy this small time off.

"Jiraiya?"

"Hmm?"

"I think I have to pee".

"Well, then go look for the restrooms".

Jiraiya turned away from his book and looked at Tsunade. She looked incredibly pale.

"I have to know where it is before I go".

"Why is that?"

"Because sitting down in this position is the only thing preventing my pee from flowing out".

Jiraiya started to cough. Tsunade pouted at him.

"Please, could you go look where it is, I don't know how long I can keep this up!"

"Well it's your own fault for drinking that huge Frappuchino Caramel before we entered the train! I told you, you should've hit the restrooms beforehand!"

"Could you just go already?"

Tsunade started to get really angry, and that wasn't helping her keeping it together down there. Jiraiya jumped out of his seat and started his search for the restrooms. Why didn't Tsunade ever listen to him? Well, it was nothing new, that was for sure. He strolled through the train, looking for signs that would indicate where he could find a toilet. They agreed that Jiraiya would send chakra signals to Tsunade, so that she would be able to know where he was, in front of the toilet, to be exact. He ran into one of the staffmembers, and asked him politely where he could find the restrooms.

"It's currently off limits, sir".

"How so?"

"Someone's stuck in there, and we can't get the door open. We have to wait until Tokyo in order to get some people to break it open".

"How long will that be?"

"An hour or three".

Jiraiya's face got pale. No way Tsunade could hold her pee that long.

"My friend really needs to go! Don't you have any other toilets?"

"I'm sorry sir, this is the only one".

"Oh shit", Jiraiya moaned.

He turned around and walked back to his seat. Tsunade wasn't going to be happy. But then again, she would walk to the toilet and rip that door out herself if she had too. Jiraiya started to laugh. Poor Tsunade. Konoha could expect a repairing bill soon.

Orochimaru took off his headphones and sighed. Time for a visit to the restrooms. He put his headphones and iPod in his backpack, raised from his seat and walked towards the sign saying "Restrooms". One of the staffmembers was standing in front of it.

"I'm sorry sir, they are out of order".

"How come?"

"Somebody is stuck in there, and we have to wait until Tokyo to get it checked".

"Another three hours?"

"I'm sorry for the inconvinience sir, are you perhaps the friend of the gentleman who was here earlier?"

Orochimaru shook his head.

"Why do you ask?"  
"I had a gentleman here not too long ago, who said his friend was having trouble keeping it together".

"That's not me. I don't really have to go, but let me have a look at that door".

Orochimaru groaned., The first thing he didn't want to be doing at a huge station like Tokyo was searching for the restrooms. He wouldn't be able to hold it in for three hours.

"Are you qualified for that, sir?"

"I am not, but believe me, I'll have that door open before you know it. Get back".

Orochimaru's hands lighted up with Chakra. He grabbed both the left and right side of the door, and pulled with all his strength.

CRACK!

The door was completely gone. The man who was stuck in the toilet looked at Orochimaru, who had the door in his bare hands. He couldn't stop staring.

"Off you go, door's out".

The staffmember's mouth fell open in surprise. Orochimaru entered the toilet, with the door still in his hands, put it back in its place, and with his index finger, that was lighted with chakra, he sealed it shut again. After he was done, he exited the restrooms and went back to his seat, like nothing had happened. Seeing as his seat was close to the restrooms, everybody around him had seen him pull that door out. He got out his iPod and headphones again, and ignored the whispering around him. Maybe doing this wasn't the smartest move. But at least he didn't have to go anymore. He smirked and turned on his iPod.

"THAT'S IT! I HAVE TO GO NOW!"

"But Tsunade, it's off limits!"

"I DON'T CARE! I'LL RIP THAT DOOR TO SHREDS IF I HAVE TOO!"

Tsunade jumped out of her seat and started to run. Jiraiya quickly got up, afraid that Tsunade would break half the train in her rampage. When they reached the restrooms, the staffmember Jiraiya saw earlier was still there.

"Hello sir! The toilet can be used again. The gentleman over there just pulled the door out and put it back in! Amazing, isn't it!"

He pointed at a man in a seat near the restrooms. He was wearing a sweater, was wearing headphones, and seemed busy with his iPod Touch. Tsunade didn't bother watching. She tore the door open and went inside. She slammed the door shut. Jiraiya sighed, and decided to have a closer look at the man who had managed to get the door out of its place. His hair was black and in a ponytail, and strands of it were covering his face. His hands were incredibly pale. Jiraiya's face got about as pale as the hands of the man. This guy looked a lot like…no, it couldn't be him. But he HAD to check. The best way was to walk up to him and thank him for fixing the door, that wouldn't be too suspicious. Jiraiya walked towards the man and said:

"Thank you for fixing that door, my friend really had to go".

"You're welcome", he mumbled, not looking at Jiraiya.

The reason he didn't look up was because he was incredibly busy playing Angry Birds.

"Nice thing you got there. Is that the 4th Generation iPod Touch?"

The man looked up at him. The second he did that, Jiraiya let out a shout.

"OROCHIMARU?"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE, YOU PERVERT?"

"I COULD ASK YOU THE SAME QUESTION!"

"WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING I DO!"

"OH, YOU JUST WAIT, YOU LITTLE…"

Tsunade sighed. She opened the door of the restrooms. Finally, what a delight. She looked around her. Jiraiya was nowhere to be seen.

"Jiraiya?"

No response. Where was that pervert? Suddenly she heard the intercom.

"Call for miss Tsunade. Mister Jiraiya wants to see you in our isolation cell. Thank you".

Tsunade sighed. How the hell did Jiraiya end up in a cell? She ran through the train, and a member of the staff lead her to the cell. He opened the door for her. She entered, and saw Jiraiya sit on the floor, pouting, with a nosebleed and a bruised eye.

"What the HELL did you do while I was in there?"

"He started it", Jiraiya mumbled.

He pointed to a man sitting in the other corner of the cell. His lip was bleeding and he was holding an ice pack against his cheek. His pale face was filled with anger.

"OROCHIMARU?", Tsunade shrieked.

"The one and only", Jiraiya groaned.

Tsunade's rage became even larger. The two males were handcuffed, which gave Tsunade a great opportunity to slap both of them.

"OUCH!"

"WHAT ARE YOU HITTING ME FOR?", Orochimaru yelled.

"Are you kidding me? You're the one who deserves the biggest beatdown! After all you've done!"  
"This was not my fault! Jiraiya just charged at me like crazy!"

"That's not true! Orochimaru started it!"

Tsunade slapped them again.

"Stop acting like children! Even after fourty years, you still haven't matured, Jiraiya. From Orochimaru however, I would've expected a bit more maturity!"

She groaned and looked at her watch. It was another 2 hours until they reached Tokyo. The conductor explained to Tsunade that the two men would be transferred to Tokyo's Police Department.

"So much for a vacation".

"Bloody toad", Orochimaru groaned.

Tsunade looked at Orochimaru.

"Why are YOU here, anyway?"  
"I'm having a short vacation", he said. "You Konoha ninjas drive me crazy".

"You're having a vacation as well?", Tsunade asked.

Orochimaru nodded. Suddenly the security guard entered.

"I'm sorry miss, but you have to go back to your seat now. Visitor's hour is over. Tsunade nodded, but before she left she said:

"If you dare to go at it again, I'll make sure you'll never see another tomorrow!"

She walked away. This was going to be a very long vacation.


	3. Keep your hands off that siren!

"The train will arrive in Tokyo shortly. Please make sure you have your hand luggage with you as you exit the train. Thank you".

Tsunade got out of her seat, threw her empty cup of coffee into the trashcan, and left for the isolation cell. She wasn't going to wander through Tokyo all by herself. Yes, she was strong, but being alone in a huge city like this made her feel nervous. She needed Jiraiya to be with her. Her face turned red. She couldn't believe she was actually counting on Jiraiya to aid her in this kind of way. Once everybody had left the train, Orochimaru and Jiraiya were escorted by two security guards. At the station a police car was waiting for them. Tsunade immediately asked the police officers if she could come along, seeing as one of the two men was her companion. Luckily they let her, and after Jiraiya and Orochimaru were pushed into the police car, she entered as well. Jiraiya was pushed in first, which resulted in Tsunade having to sit next to Orochimaru.

"Why are YOU tagging along", Orochimaru snarled.

"Because I'm here with Jiraiya. I won't let him go to some police station by himself".

"How thoughtful of you".

"Shut up, snake brain", Jiraiya said.

For the rest of the trip the three were silent. It was so incredibly awkward, seeing Jiraiya and Orochimaru in a regular police car, bruised and handcuffed, and she was coming along to look over one of them. She groaned. What a great way to start this vacation.

"Boy, if Sarutobi-sensei were here to see this", Jiraiya grinned as they stepped out of the car.

"Too bad someone here killed him", Tsunade whispered, and she glared at Orochimaru.

Silence, once again. The two were carried towards the interrogation room and Tsunade was told to wait in the hallway. An hour passed. Then a police officer entered the hallway and held the door open for somebody. Tsunade awakened from her trance, and got out of the chair she was sitting in. Orochimaru entered. Tsunade groaned. Why couldn't it be Jiraiya?

"What happened in there?"

"They established it was Jiraiya's fault. He has to stay the night in a cell".

"And you're free to go, you backstabbing snake", she hissed.

"Like I said, Jiraiya charged at ME".

"But you probably provoked him, there's no way he'd attack you out of the blue, especially in a train full of people".

Orochimaru grinned. Tsunade cringed. It was that smirk that she used to love when she was younger, but nowadays it would only annoy and anger her.

"What's so funny?"

"Perhaps I did provoke him a little".

"Like hell you did!"

Orochimaru sighed.

"You'd better take your leave, unless you want to spend the night in this hallway".

"Don't tell me what to do, you ass".

Tsunade turned around and walked towards the exit. Then she realised that busses never went by the police station often. And she didn't know where to go.

"Something wrong?"

Orochimaru was standing incredibly close to her. It made Tsunade uncomfortable. She turned around again and gave him a shove.

"Back off".

"Let me guess, you just realised that getting on the bus here is impossible?"

"Yes, snake brain, I just figured that out".

"Let me take you to your hotel".

"Are you serious? NO WAY I'm coming with you! And even if I did want to go with you, you can't drive a car! Besides, you don't even HAVE a car".

"That's where you're wrong".

"What do you mean?"

"I most certainly know how to drive a car. And there's one right there".

He pointed outside, at the police car.

"ARE YOU NUTS?", she hissed. "Stealing a cop car?"

He grinned.

"Come on, don't tell me you don't want too".

Tsunade bit her lip. There were so many things that sounded so incredibly wrong too her. First, she shouldn't rely on Orochimaru to take her anywhere, and she most definitely did NOT want to steal a police car.

"Don't be so stubborn Tsunade, I'll return the car if you want me too".

"Alright, but on ONE condition".

"And that would be?"

"For me to give you a make-over. I don't want to be seen with you looking like that".

"Seriously, that is the first thing you want? And what's wrong with my appearance?"

"You look like a female version of Michael Jackson, and you dress like one too".

Orochimaru hissed at the insult, but didn't move an inch. What kind of make-over would she give him? But he didn't have anything to lose. He didn't care that much about his appearance to begin with.

"Deal".

Tsunade blinked her eyes. That was easy.

"That was easy".

"I don't care that much about my appearance to begin with", he said with a smirk.

Quietly, they left the building and walked towards the car. Orochimaru managed to unlock it with a tiny bit of chakra, and when he was in, he opened the door for Tsunade.

"Whatever you do, don't turn those sirens-"

The sirens were already on, and on full volume. Orochimaru quickly pushed the button again.

"On".

"Oops, wrong button".

These were the times she wanted punch her former teammate. He smirked again. Tsunade turned her face from him so he wouldn't see her blushing face. The smirk used to make her stomach feel full of butterflies. That was before he went insane. Before Dan, she had a huge crush on Orochimaru. He never knew, and he would never know. She would take care of that. Orochimaru started the car and drove away.

"Where are we going?"

"Central Tokyo, to get you some new clothes. I'm sorry, but that sweater and those pants are awful"

Orochimaru growled, and chose Central Tokyo as destination on the GPS.

"That's another 45 minutes".

"I don't care".

"Maybe I do?"

"Like I would care about what you want? You never care for others but yourself".

Tsunade groaned. She had just raised her voice. She had shown weakness in front of Orochimaru. He turned his head towards her. He couldn't see her face, but he was sure she was upset. Orochimaru had always known that him leaving Konoha, and her, would be a big hit for her to take. He never doubted she could take it though. She was a strong woman. Tsunade closed her eyes, trying to keep her feelings together. She could feel Orochimaru's eyes in her back. How she had wanted him to stay, to stay in Konoha, with her. Maybe she would've been able to tone down his ambition and make him feel love, if she had only asked him out when they were alone at the training field so many times. She closed her eyes, she felt so incredibly tired, yet she couldn't fall asleep next to Orochimaru. She couldn't…

"Orochimaru?"

Why was she lying on her couch in the Hokage's room? And why was Orochimaru standing in front of it? He put a finger to his lips.

"Please be quiet, darling, it will be over soon".

Tsunade shivered as his lips brushed against her neck. She grabbed his hair as a reaction to the touch. Then, completely unexpected, he bit his fangs down in her neck.

"OROCHIMARU, WHAT THE.."

'Didn't I tell you I am a vampire, Tsunade? I believe I have, so you should've expected this", he said as he pulled away, blood dripping down from his mouth.

Tsunade was feeling dizzy, everything was fading away. Suddenly someone roughly pushed her. Her eyes flew open, and she was back in the car. Orochimaru was looking at her with raised eyebrows. They were already in the center of Tokyo.

"Wake up, we've reached our destination".

She groaned. What an awful dream. She stretched her limbs and opened the door of the car. After she had gotten out, Orochimaru followed. He said something to her, but she didn't hear it. With her mouth opened in amazement, she looked around her. People everywhere, stores everywhere, huge buildings, music on the streets, this was Tokyo.

"Quite amazing, isn't it".

Orochimaru was standing next to her, a small hint of amazement in his eyes. Tsunade nodded.

"Let's go shopping, you need some new clothes. And so do I".

Tsunade sighed. She HAD to ask him, she didn't want to be alone once she lost him.

"Do you have a cellphone?"

He raised one of his eyebrows, and pulled an iPhone out of his pocket.

"Why yes, any reasons why you are asking me that?"

"Can I have your number? That way we can contact eachother should we lose eachother in the crowd".

Orochimaru smirked.

"How sweet, I never would've imagined YOU asking for my number".

"Don't get any ideas, you freak".

Orochimaru only laughed at the insult.

"Here is my number, and might I have yours?"

Tsunade felt embarrassed as she pulled out the small old cellphone. Compared to Orochimaru's iPhone, it was nothing.

"Here it is, but only call me in emergencies!"

"Same here", Orochimaru groaned.

Tsunade grabbed Orochimaru's wrist and pulled him into the first clothing store she saw. First, he would get a make-over. She grinned. She would love to see his face when she told him his precious long hair would be cut off. Tsunade's grin increased. This was going to be amazing.


End file.
